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The Fight For Control

Genesis is a book of origins and helps us understand much of what we see today in our physical and social environments. This holds true for the interactions between husbands and wives. The struggle that married couples experience where husbands and wives fight for control and dominance can be traced all the way to Adam and Eve.

The Complaint

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Forgiving an individual who has hurt you grants them the freedom to give new meaning and definition to their actions; it frees them from the past. When you stop the ‘re-membering’ process you no longer respond from a place of hurt and disappointment, you respond from a place of hope and optimism.



With infidelity being one of the most difficult  and damaging marital problems to treat it is important that couples are aware of risk factors.

There are many reasons why marriages dissolve; however, it is never because God desires this. There is no scenario -go ahead think of them- where God would rather you divorce your spouse.

The Reason

This dynamic is a result of the fall, and as such, is a dysfunctional version of how God intended husbands and wives to interact. The husband believes he should rule over his wife and does so in an officious manner. The wife then feels and experiences oppression. In an attempt to become free from this experience and regain power and control over her own decisions, her autonomy is perceived as insurrection and infringement on the husband’s role. This struggle for power continues until someone exits this cycle.

When you insert Christ into your marriage control dies, and liberty abounds -the freedom to exist in your God-given role as husband or wife. When the husband does not feel controlled he is free to love and sacrifice for his wife; when the wife does not feel controlled, she is free to yield to and respect her husband.

If you and your spouse have been interacting according to the dysfunctional dynamic of the fall, it is time to release control. Allow your spouse the freedom to be husband or wife God has called them to be.


The complaint from some husbands is that their wives are just as dominant as they are. They feel that their wives are trying to control them and usurp their role as head and leader of the family. Husbands often desire to have a wife who is more yielding then one who seeks to seize power and authority.

Neither husbands nor wives were designed to control each other. This desire to control is the result of original sin and the curse that followed. Genesis chapter 3 contains the account of how sin entered the world and the affects it immediately had on the interactions between Adam (man/husbands) and Eve (woman/wives). Speaking to Eve, Genesis 3:16 reads “You will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.” Therein lies the dysfunctional pattern that we have come to know.

As the husband loves (in every sense of the word) and sacrifices all for his wife, the wife responds with admiration. Admiration then leads her to yield to him and respect him -both of which husbands desires. As the wife yields to and respects her husband, the husband responds with fondness. Fondness then leads him to love and sacrifice everything he is and has for her.


The complaint from some wives is that their husbands are overly controlling and domineering. They feel that their husbands are emotionally cold and stifle their ability to be autonomous. Wives often desire the freedom to be whom they choose to be without the criticism from their husbands.

To the wife, she is told that her ‘desire’ will be to ‘control’ her husband. Desire indicates that there is a strong feeling, and control indicates the power to determine. Therefore, the wife will have a strong feeling to have power over decisions and to determine for her husband.

To the husband, he is told that he will “rule over” his wife. Ruling over indicates an oppressive and aggressive dominance. Therefore, the husband will respond to his wife in a harsh and uncompassionate way; communicating aggression and oppressiveness to the wife.

What It Looks Like

The Solution

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